I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
