everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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