i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
