i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
