kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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