I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
