her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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