from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
