Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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