I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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