i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
