ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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