Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
