You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
