We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
