So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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