What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
