we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
