some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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