The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
