with your own penis?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
