I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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