Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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