How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
