So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You have to summon your inner elephant
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
