Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
