I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
