new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
