we're chasing vodka with high fives
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
