it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
