I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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