were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
