I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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