I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Boobs speak an international language.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
