its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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