I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
