Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
