right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
