Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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