I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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