Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
