yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
