Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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