Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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