I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
