my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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