I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
