I just threw up on my dentist
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
