lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Houston, we have a blender
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
