P.S. I can't hear my feet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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