i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
