Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
