At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he thought i was a dude.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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