Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
