This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
