3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
