singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
