Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
