who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
