YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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