Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
