You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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