Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
