so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
